


Whiteboard

by destieldrabblesdaily



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Some angst but with a happy ending, canon!verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 00:39:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destieldrabblesdaily/pseuds/destieldrabblesdaily
Summary: 'For a while now, there has been a whiteboard in Dean’s room.'When failing to say the words out loud, there’s always the option to write them down. So that's exactly what Castiel suggests, and Dean humors him, the two of them finding new ways to understand and forgive each other by working through some issues from both the present and the past.





	

For a while now, there has been a whiteboard in Dean’s room.

Cas often sees Dean use it; to organize clues for cases that he and Sam can’t quite solve, and to write down reminders, or to simply rearrange his thoughts. And, on rare occasions, to draw silly doodles to help him get his mind off of whatever supernatural disaster is next on the agenda.

Currently, aforementioned board is empty though, and Cas stares a hole in it, sitting on Dean’s bed, arms wrapped around his knees, his chin resting on his hands. Dean is there too, right beside him, lying on the other side of the bed, his back to Castiel, his shoulders tense. There might as well be some sort of invisible wall between them, and Cas absolutely _hates_ it. Hates it whenever they fight like this, and what makes it even worse is that Dean refuses to talk. Whenever they have an argument he’ll snap at Castiel, once maybe twice, but after that, it’s usually the silent treatment.

And it makes Castiel feel powerless every time, because how can you fix something when you don’t even get a chance to plead your case?

Dean isn’t sleeping, Cas can tell from his breathing, harsh and uneven. Which must mean that Dean doesn’t like this either, and just like that, inspiration strikes.

“Dean?” Cas mutters quietly, but not unkindly.

A grunt from the other side of the bed.

“I know you’re angry, I know you’d rather not talk, but I thought that maybe…” Castiel pauses, trying to figure out which words to choose. “I thought that maybe we could write it down.”

There’s a huff from Dean, and Cas doesn’t know what to make of that, but he refuses to give up now. Slowly, he gets up from the bed, shuffling towards the whiteboard. He picks up one of the markers, a blue one, and starts writing.

He hears Dean move on the bed, probably getting up as well, and that’s what Cas had been counting on; Dean’s curiosity getting the best of him.

When Cas is done he puts down the marker, his eyes scanning the message one last time.

_‘I apologize for what I did yesterday, I’m sorry I went after those rogue angels by myself without telling you. I didn’t want you to get dragged into my problems, and I feared it wasn’t safe for you to come with me. Which you would have, had I told you before I left.’_

He hears a muffled sigh behind him, and he’s surprised to see Dean already standing right there. Dean rolls his eyes as he reads the message, but his face relaxes, and the green of his eyes is softer now. After a long moment, he theatrically picks up a marker as well, the green one, giving Castiel that face that says 'do we really have to do this?’

But Dean does it anyway, and writes a reply, the Dean Winchester way that Cas knows so well.

_'I want you to drag me into your problems, you idiot, it’s not like I don’t drag you into mine. PS: you forgot to apologize for the part where you almost got killed. PPS: fine, apology accepted. Don’t ever do that again.’_

Dean smiles gruffly, but he soon drops the act, reaching for Castiel’s hand. He pulls Cas towards their bed, and Cas feels like he can breathe again. They’re in the clear.

He’s going to keep this trick in mind.

~

From there on, messages in blue and green are scribbled across the whiteboard at all times, going from

_'I apologize for leaving without helping out with the dishes.’_

to

_'Dude, why did you use up all the warm water this morning?!’_

and to more serious ones such as

_'It was irresponsible to hunt that shape shifter alone without asking us for backup, Dean. Sam agrees with me.’_

It works, and Dean even seems to approve of this new talking-without-talking solution. Their fights don’t last as long, and even small arguments are more easily forgiven when they voice their frustrations instead of exchanging angry stares and icy silences. Not to mention the endless bickering that has finally come to a stop, for the most part anyway.

Cas thinks this might have been his best idea yet, and possibly the first one that didn’t immediately backfire on him. He’s definitely pleased with himself.

~

That is until the plan does backfire, because in all fairness, that’s what plans inevitably do when Castiel is the one coming up with them; they come back to bite him in the ass.

On a slow Saturday morning, Castiel freezes in the doorway of Dean’s _-their-_ room, almost dropping the two mugs of coffee that he’s holding. Dean is awake alright, and he’s standing beside the whiteboard, the entire space covered in Dean’s green handwriting.

There’s only a tiny fraction of blue, a brief message in a corner that Castiel had fondly left for a sleeping Dean before getting them both some coffee: _'sorry for hogging all the blankets again last night’._

Taking a few steps closer, Cas notices that Dean’s lower lip is trembling, and the hand that’s holding the marker is undeniably shaking. He looks at Castiel as if he’s seeing him for the first time, and Cas puts down the mugs, a bit alarmed now.

“Hey, Dean, look at me, is something wrong?” He murmurs, gently taking Dean’s wrist, rubbing his thumb against Dean’s pulse.

For the second time, Dean looks at him as if that one gentle touch is enough to break him into a million pieces, his green eyes watery. And Castiel doesn’t understand. They haven’t had any major struggles recently, have they? None that Cas can think of.

And all of a sudden it’s like a floodgate, and as Dean’s tears fall, so do his words.

“I don’t _deserve_ you, Cas, that’s what’s wrong!” Dean exclaims, sounding agitated, running his free hand through his already messy hair. “Here you are, freaking apologizing for hogging some blankets, apologizing for whatever unimportant shit you shouldn’t be apologizing for, and then there’s me… And I- I should’ve apologized so many times about hell knows what, but I didn’t because I’m a coward! And a jerk on top of that… Go figure, huh?”

Dean sounds somewhat calmer towards the end, but Cas remains utterly confused. Until he remembers the whiteboard because Dean points him to it. Castiel’s breath gets stuck in his throat as his eyes fall on Dean’s confessions.

_'I’m sorry for every time you came to me for help but I failed you.’_

_'I’m sorry for every reckless deal I made in my life without thinking about what it would do to you.’_

_'I’m sorry for kicking you out of the bunker when you were human for the first time and needed me most.’_

_'I’m sorry for beating you up because I couldn’t control the mark any longer.’_

_'I’m sorry for taking way too long to realize that Lucifer was possessing you, even though you’re my best friend.’_

The list goes on and on. Castiel feels tears slipping down his own cheeks by the time he reaches the end and sees Dean’s final confessions.

_'I’m sorry for never saying “I love you” out loud… but I love you so much, Cas.’_

Castiel blinks away his tears, thinking of a million different answers that might be appropriate, fully knowing that if he had to make a similar list, his would be about as long as Dean’s. But he realizes that that’s not what counts at the moment, and with a trembling sigh he takes Dean into his arms, kissing the top of Dean’s head as Dean holds on to him like his life depends on it.

They’ll talk about it, this time Cas _knows_ they will, because at last Dean appears to be ready to open up. But, first things first.

Castiel carefully lets go of Dean, and he wipes away all of Dean’s words, leaving the board empty again. Shooting Dean a timid smile, he picks up the blue marker as Dean wraps his arms around Castiel’s waist and leans his head on Cas’ shoulder while Cas writes a reply.

_'Don’t be sorry for anything. I love you too, Dean. More than you’ll ever know.’_

**Author's Note:**

> For more Destiel stories, go to destieldrabblesdaily.tumblr.com


End file.
